10/17/2017

Evening at the penthouse , where I’m having me time weather I want it or not . I’ve been cooking and keeping house for the beau and his grandson for about two weeks ..I was feeling like we were a family with that family comes The up and down of family life but we were dealing with it ..today I’m stranded At home my home away from my beau and my little mr Riley and thou it’s been nice to have my space and just do nothing I find myself missing my chaotic like with my beau and his family and my little mr Riley yup I’m in it for the long haul there’s no turning back now 

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INTERMISSION

Morning coffee in the penthouse…. I’m back after a brief intermission because of life. Don’t you wish you could just press a button and intermittently stop the world for just a little bit. I just need enough time to soak all this in. My life is changing and I feel like a passenger on a bus who keeps pressing the stop button but the bus keeps going. Life as I know it I think is never going to be the same again.

Be careful what you wish for, in the heat of a moment you say things that you just cant take back. Then you get that phone call and you think things will never be the same again For a few days life goes on as usual. No one talks about the big elephant in the room and what were going to do about it.

We all handle it different some will pray, pray harder some will curse the life they have been given and ask why , why cant she be like her brothers why was she cursed with this. While others will not look in the mirror afraid of what they will see that maybe just maybe they could of tried harder no they wont look in the mirror they wont talk about it except to maybe blame someone else for it .We are all to blame and we are not .

You can only hold a child hand for so long eventually you have to let go and trust that they know right from wrong know their demons and are strong enough to fight them back .Not all of them will be lucky enough or strong enough to not give in and play with fire. Two out of three is not bad I guess, but as I watch her sleep looking so innocent I pray why, why cant she beat this ..

And in a blink of a eye things change , One moment your at your wits end with a person .Saying i don’t need this bullshit in my life right now .The next your standing next to her hospital bed thinking OMG I can’t believe this happened , was it something I said was I out of line in saying what I said .

She looks so peaceful sleeping , you wouldn’t think she was the same screaming lunatic from the nite before or the girl who was doing heaven only knows what all nite long into the wee hours of the morning . The girl that went from screaming and blaming everybody to crying about her fucked  up life. 

No hear lies the girl that was misunderstood when she was younger .Who wants to do better but can’t seem to fit in . Who loves her baby boy to pieces . Along with her parents and siblings .

Seventy two  hours and she can do whatever she wants , sign herself out leave and continue her chaotic life .. or she can stay and maybe just maybe get the help she needs ..Maybe  this was a call for help . I know it sounds so cliche but I really want to believe that she’s ready to be part of society and be the mother that her little boy need her to be ..

Fingers crossed and lots of prayers that this will be a turning point in her life for the better 🙏She’s decided to stay 

and I’m back, so much to write about, so little time to write it … Life has been crazy lately what with the hurricane Irma affecting family in Puerto Rico and now Florida a couple of deaths in between and child neglect in the mix cause that’s how this princess in the penthouse rolls.

 Never a dull moment .weather its with my family or the beaus family …I guess its the price you pay for coming from a big family ..or having a big heart..People die everyday some affect you more then others and sometimes they don’t affect you at all. What affects me a lot lately is the neglect that people have for their loved ones weather their young or old it just seems like no one really wants to go all out ,, There’s always a agenda or something better they can be doing

.. I get it we all have our busy lives, but there some things you shouldn’t slack off on , like the caring of a nine year old the future of tomorrow what kind of leader is he going to be if he has no one to guide him in his productive years ..

I know from experience that it takes a community to raise a child I lived those words and I’am forever grateful to my community for helping me raise my child .I was present the community was just there to give a helping hand when I had to work .when I needed it . I worked a full time job still made all the school meeting and activities ,, 

Then we have people who have no problem leaving their kids with who ever don’t care if the kid did his homework or even ate for that matter Gives him a computer so he can entertain himself ,doesn’t pick up a book to read to him or pick up the phone when the kid calls repeatily looking for her.. Sees no problem that the kid is a misfit probably depressed and mal nutricient and longing for love and affection and discipline 

MORNIG COFFEE 09/15/187

Morning coffee in the penthouse, where if I could sip my coffee thru a straw I would..The cup feels like a 25 kettle bell ugh .Another sleepless nite. Oh Mr Sandman where the hell are you…Nobody is playing nice with this princess. A week of slacking off with the eating and exercising has caught up with me oh and lets not forget not taking the meds that’s probably the biggest culprit..

I am not happy with this new life style I’ve been dealt with. I refuse to let it get the best of me, tho at times I feel like it is . I’m giving myself a year to get my life together mentally and physically . I will not let this (bitch) fibromyalgia get the best of me

That’s my pep talk for the day. As I cringe every stroke I take as I hit the keyboard . Thinking others have it worse and continue on , and so will I ..lipstick in hand smile on my face peace out my peeps

Wednesday 09/14/17

Morning coffee on my way to a different job site filling in . Where apparently I almost didn’t give myself time enough to get to my destination, let alone get coffee and food. Traffic all over the place and add to the chaos fire truck siren blasting I pull to the nearest fast food shop oh and what do I see the sirens are pulling in too.. Hope this isn’t a sign of how my day is gonna be.

Uneventful nite which doesn’t happen that often my poor trainer looked like she was in more pain then me. She is definitely my motivation she has lupus among other health issues but she still pushes thru and she pushes her clients as well .just what this newbie princess to fibromyalgia needs, no time to cry we have a life to live .. off to spread some sunshine on this gloomy day lipstick in hand smile on my face peace out my peeps

Morning coffee in the penthouse….So much for a good nite sleep. Puffy face and swollen eye lids is whats happening today. Great time yesterday with my lonely hearts club crew minus one but that’s another story ( father in law sister in law uncle joe and cousin Debbie and the kid too.) Since the mother in law has passed we hardly see each other as much as we use to,the kid lived with them and I and cousin Debbie and uncle joe were always there. Watching her or spending time with each other as she slept which she did a lot of when she lost hope of getting better, Thou I think sometimes she never really wanted to get better..

This is my family as dysfunctional as we are we still look for each other. The kid wants to make this a weekly function dinner and cards so we can reminisce of all the crazy times we had .. So yup I will be squeezing this in my busy schedule because anything for family right…. lipstick in hand smile on my face peace out my peeps

Morning coffee in the penthouse has me feeling refreshed …finally a good nite sleep. Its amazing what a good nite sleep can do to you.. Makes you think straight and positive, I feel like I can take the world down… well maybe not so much that but I can definitely think better not so cranky… what ! the princess cranky …say it isn’t so ….lol in my sarcastic voice ..No filter here at the penthouse I’m not gonna sugar coat it.. it is what it is…Survived wake yesterday got to pay my respects and I feel better that I know my friends are doing ok I got to spread some kindness where there was despair my job was done there …lipstick in hand smile on my face peace out my peeps don’t forget to smile and be nice

Morning coffee in the penthouse.. finds me wishing I could of just slept a little bit more…Insomnia aches and pains just a normal day in the life of this princess lol Great weekend amongst all the drama and sadness from the hurricanes and the sudden death of a friends family member …Hoping this day goes fast not that I’m looking forward to going to the wake tonite where I will do what I do best put on a happy face even thou I may be hurting inside lipstick in hand smile on my face hoping to comfort my friends in their hour of need