Evening at the penthouse 

So glad to know that the beau has no problem with a messy home ,because the penthouse is a big mess right now ugh I stayed home to clean instead of hanging with the beau .but not much has gotten done hot as hell up in the penthouse 

Air condioner on full blast in the bed room the only room with AC but no tv .. The only good thing about tonite was cooking with the kid even thou the steak was a little hard lol but he cooked I was beginning to think he didn’t know how to cook and was not eating when he was away in school . Now the kid is in his air conditioned room and I’m hot as hell in the living room doing laundry , wish I were with beau off to bed I go sweet dreams my peeps 

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what a difference a year makes 

Aww breaking up is so hard to do .weather it be with your boyfriend your friend With benefits or my favorite your personal Trainer lol ……I get that I’m not the most coordinated person .but I got flat feet nothing u will make me do will change that … And no don’t call me next week the answer will still be the same …can we please move on cause I’m gaining weight by the minute lol

Its been a year since I’ve decided to move on .change is hard getting out of your. Comfort zone and not knowing what’s next even harder . Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and say you want more you deserve more ..So glad I decided to take that big step . One year later down 13 pounds and a couple of inches later .love the fact that everyday is unknown and I can see the change . Thanks to my beast of trainers the mighty duo from Anything Goes Fitness Jolene Elizabeth Telesco and David Telesco. So change is definitely good

Evening at the penthouse, after a impromt dinner with the kid .definetly beats step class thou I’m gonna need lots of step classes after drinks and dinner with the kid . Moments like this are what I live for ,hanging  out with the kid over drinks talking about his girlfriend talking about my beau what are future looks like .knowing that the  girlfriend says the same thing the beau says ” I can’t believe you still txt your mom your son good nite . Lol  I’m definitely in my happy place  off to bed I go peace out my peeps 

Lazy Sunday 

Lazy Sunday afternoon at my haven..  After venting about wanting to have me time and get things done at my penthouse (my apartment ) I chose to be with the beau and I’m glad I did..  Sometimes you just have to say AFI awe fuck it .I made more memories with the beau then if I had stayed   home and cleaned  .. you know clean the apartment that know one visits anyway   ..The mess will still be there

I chose to go earlier  to the beau ‘s house then I was going to , I cooked I socialized I felt happy and in the end that’s all we want right to be happy .

So this weekend thou it started off rough it  ended good .. This relationship thing is hard especially after not dating for so long .Where I got to go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted and thou I can still do that having the beau in my life has changed things because now I have things to do with someone else besides myself or my girlfriends .I just have to learn how to manage both .and I think the beau is getting where I’m coming from . Hence the beau’s last words “thanks for everything sorry I kept you so late I know you wanted to be home early ” He gets it he appreciates me awe. Feeling all sorts of warm and fuzzy lol 

CHANGE IS GOOD

Morning coffee on the run finds me changing it up a little from my breakfast routine ..Where I would normally go to the diner spend like eleven dollars or so plus tip ,I chose to grab a quick breakfast sandwich and coffee five dollars and change later ,good choice need to start thinking smarter about my food choices.

Four hours of work and then cleaning of the house is in order plus a well deserved nap ,before my busy day gets going . Feeling a little overwhelmed not enough hours in the day for me time plus beau and me time plus family time ugh. I don’t know how people do it ,it seems to me that something always gets neglected in my life when I try to do everything I want to do or is expected of me ,,I’m gonna try really hard to put me first today lets see how that turns out ..lipstick in hand smile on my face peace out my peeps

AROUND IN CIRCLES

Its been awhile since I have visited here. It seems like life has me going around In circles. I’m doing the same repetitive things I do everyday ,get up go to work go to the trainer visit the beau go home go to bed wake up repeat

My mind is going a hundred miles a minute ..Get a apartment live with the beau get apartment with the kid , keep dating the beau stop dating the beau ,wait I really don’t want to do that . I just need more time there I go again second guessing myself ..

No one is perfect I cant keep looking for someone that is.. I have a good time with him 95% of the time. Its the other 5 % of the time that I am worried about .. Should I be worried ? I worry about connecting all my relationships together.. Is it bad that I have been with the beau for two years and the kid (my son) has only seen him twice .or the fact that we always hang with his friends and not mine ..How can I even think of moving in with someone and bringing along the kid with me if they have never really even socialized with each other ..I haven’t even started talking about his child that will probably be living with us if we were to move in together.

No wonder I cant sleep at night ….Time is ticking the beau is doing his steps in getting his life together , I guess I need to step up to the plate and get my life in order ..I think I’m gonna start hyperventilating even as I type this my thoughts are all over the place ..I want out of the sandbox this adult thing sucks

Memories 

I don’t need to look at my memories to know what I was doing last year this dAy or the year before and def not three years ago ..I have to Admit it took me off guard this year .. I thought the pain the aching of wanting to be with you one more time had just about all gone … Until that is, I looked at my memories .Then there were tears. Uncontrollable tears and it felt like it was happening all over agAin ..Getting everybody prepared being strong for everybody where all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry . and cry I did today like the morning of …  

Where I didn’t want to get out of bed ,where I didn’t want to be strong I didn’t want to say good bye ,but I did it anyway . I will never have a bond with some one like I did with you .I have become a stronger person because of you I have learned unconditional love because of you .Forever missing you ..The mother of the man I was loved the grandmother to the baby I adore and my keeper of secrets till death reunites us .Happy anniversary in heaven my friend Emily  

Prep time 

Evening at the penthouse ..where after hanging out with  the beau and cooking for him and getting him prepared with food and snacks for tomorrow’s work day and of course having some wine with no dinner .I now sit on my couch wanting to do everything I did for the beau for me but lacking any energy to do it with . 

So once again the penthouse will go with out getting cleaned snacks and lunch for tomorrow will get done tomorrow in the rush of the morning .. cause apparently I work better under pressure 

Life

Whats living proof that life is too short, looking at the obituary of someone you just literally hung out with . Its scary, one day your on the phone with them , the next your  reliving the last time you were with them . Had I known this was our last encouter would I have done things differently . I Will never know now will I ..

Lessoned learned dont take life for granted. Dont hold on to grudges forgive often and laugh alot. Give that hug that kiss and dont forget to say I love you because you never know what tomoorow will bring .