Where do I begin , yesterday before going to bed I told myself tomorrow I will sit down and write, and I went to bed …Then all hell broke loose once again,, lights glaring thru our bedroom window back and forth ,something straight out of the movies ..We go to the door and yet again we are met with officers from our town, in a panic looking for my beau’s youngest I knew then it was not going to be a good nite . In the mist of all the craziness my phone rings, snd its my beau youngest demanding to mewhy did i call the police . Everuthing is my fault apparently ..

I wasnt the reason for the divorce ,i wasnt the one he cheated with . Im only here tohelp not replsce becsusr a mother is not replaceable i just wantrd things to be alright

by zees haven

The last pic I took of you was very eerie it was as if you were already gone . It didn’t look like you ..I hesitated going away I had this feeling that this was our last goodbye .. I pretty much told you so and you laughed and told me ( no seas bobita ) don’t be silly ..

I left your house and went away the next day . We had a beautiful nite playing cards and talking about how the visiting nurse has assured us that you would last a lil bit longer enough maybe to get off hospice

I’m really hating that visiting nurse ..the next day as we were getting ready to get off the bus after taking the ferry to Nantucket we got that phone call that changed our lives forever .

My dad took his last breath around ten o’clock in the morning of August 16 2025 .He started his morning like every other day my mom washed him up and asked what he wanted to eat . He asked for a corn muffin , he ate a piece and what my sister who was there thought was choking was in reality his last breathe .

It hurts me so that I couldn’t be there , these first few months I struggled with that I should have been there .i had that feeling I knew he was gonna leave us

I should of hugged him harder told him I loved him more In the end maybe I wasn’t meant to be there and see him suffer like he did when they thought he was choking

god I know works in mysterious ways , he has shield me from seeing the deaths of three people who I loved immensely

Im at peace now i don’t cry just thinking about him I know he would not want that .I could see him now looking at me and saying .( no seas bobita ) Dont be silly ..

by zees haven

What are you most proud of in your life?

What am I most proud of in my life .Hands down my baby boy .That little old me .who sometimes doesn’t have a back bone and sometimes doesn’t know when to shut up , created a human being that is so sweet and gentle .Hes all I ever wanted to be yet so much nicer , stronger and sure of himself ..

He’s my rock

by zees haven

Im surviving

Two months in .. I’m surviving by a thread , but a strong thread . That’s how we are the women in my family , we are strong willed stubborn and want things are way .

We don’t have time for weakness , we show no emotions .we weren’t raised like that

My father died two months ago . I don’t think I got a hug from any of my sisters .. they barely cried , well at least not in front of anyone .

My mom , is a very strong women , In my younger days she showed no emotions .now as life as aged her she sniffles in the corner when her feelings have been hurt ..

Her faith I see now , has carried her and sustained her thru the sickness and eventually the death of her one and only love of her life , my dad

Little by little the walls are coming down . She does cry and shows emotions

She recounted the scenario when my dad died and we both cried . And lamented how we still hadn’t processed everything that had happened because there was so much chaos going on .

There’s hope for us yet ..

by zees haven

What principles define how you live?

The príncipes that define how I live are as follows

  1. Be kind
  2. Be understanding
  3. Don’t judge
  4. Try to forgive
  5. When all else fails walk away knowing you did all you could do ..don’t let it consume you
by zees haven

What brings a tear of joy to my eye? I buried my father 15 days ago , and thou its been a immensely painful loss for me and my family

It brings tears to my eyes to see the outpour of love shown to us by our church community ..

We celebrated my father’s life by doing the rosary for nine days after he was buried .

The amount of people who joined us for those nine days was a testimony of the humble quiet patient man my father was .

My cup runneth over ..were there once was tears of heartache they are now tears of joy for all the lives my father touched .

I am truly blessed

by zees haven

Don’t let go

Life has been so crazy since that day …

Like a dream or like a movie where I watch the characters act out their parts

Daddy don’t let go hold on , Don’t leave me

Im not ready to let you go

I have so many questions I want to ask ,so many things I want to talk about .

People come and hug you , tell you their so sorry

You answer back he had a good life ,he’s in a good place , and life goes on

Sunday morning just like any other Sunday , that is until you walk into your house of worship ,

You see the priest and he hugs you so hard ,almost like he knows what your going thru ..

I walk into church I sit down and look to the back were you always sat , but your not there

I realize then it’s not a dream it’s not a movie

Those aren’t actors it’s you and your family saying goodbye

Daddy let go he couldn’t hold on any longer

My heart breaks in a million pieces .

by zees haven

What have you been putting off doing? Why?

What have I been putting off doing and why ? Where do I begin deep cleaning my closets and finally throwing things away , but I’m scared I might miss what I throw away. Organizing the craft room so I can finally do some sewing and crafting .but every time I look at the mess I’ve created I don’t know where to start . again I should throw things away it’s not like I’m using them but again I’m afraid I might miss them .Its a vicious circle ,

by zees haven

Are you seeking security or adventure?

Am I seeking security or adventure? Why can’t I have both why why lol . Right now I’m somewhat comfortable and I have my little adventures so I guess I’m good for now.

by zees haven

If you could host a dinner and anyone you invite was sure to come, who would you invite?

If I could host a dinner and anyone you invite was sure to come , who would I invite .My husband’s children just us two and them all five of them all boys . Close the doors cause I have questions and no one is leaving till I get answers lol .

by zees haven